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Today on the claws burn for the sun is out and it is 100% humid and 98 degrees.....
I basically had a moment for today I felt ac going music was perfect and yes I was not in direct sunlight so perfect moment right? Till the door opens that the heat is so bad you feel like a cloud of heat just vaporized you and you're doomed to move. LOL
Um yeah it was definitely not advisable to go out but drs I must go so I did and I went even with the cane I will be honest I was not too happy with all that who ha of the heat. got in and de melted thank goddess. Of course in the waiting room you have people that want to talk and truly they get all kinds of nuts if they have kids and you dont have any nor a ring they look at you like what are you doing? You are 47 years old and you are not with a man or kids there is something wrong. Well one my other half died 8 years ago now. two kids never happened and three I want to have a child with someone I m married to not single. They look at me like I am crazy but I am like um no. I kind of like not being married and not having kids and enjoying my animals and life. I can date and enjoy whomever, and well I can have alone time which is most needed in my world. anyways today a kid comes up to me and asks me where is your child. I said I dont have one honey. You don't ? whYYYYYYY? I said I don't have a daaddy to make one. Then she drags her daddy over to me and hands him over to me and says here now you can have a child. I looked at him and said great wing man wow that is a first. He said she has never done that before I swear. I was like um ok. He tried to apologize and got red in the face I just started laughing harder for he did not know how to tell his daughter that was wrong to pimp her father out so unexpectedly. I said do you really want to share your daddy with a girl or a boy? I mean that would mean you would be the older sibling and they wont spoil you as much and such. She looked at me and her daddy as she said I want a mommy though. I was like oh honey that is so sweet. I would love to be your mommy but your daddy has to pick your new mommy. OK? The daddy was still in shock how calm I was about the whole thing. I was like I got this. Then she said I would not mind being the older sister. I said you would have to share your favorite toys.... She looked at me then at her dad and was like for real? He shook his head yes. She snatched that hand away so fast she was like daddy no mommy for me . LOL I want my toys... He said thank you and walked off with her.

So today has been a day which I have to say this morning was a tad f’d up. You know you are in the woods when a freakin eagle tries to eat your cat in the rain and the dragon that has motion sensor reception goes off and you look up and there it is hunting your cat. I got in the way of my cat and started saying runnnnnnn Osiris runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Like gump or something rain going and wind and stuff flapping bird above and all the while your electronic dragon eyes go off and it roars. LOL yep that is the morning I had so I have been eyeing the sky when my dog went outside for she is as big as my cat.

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LORDMOGY
05:26 Jun 27 2018

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You ever had one of those bipolar moments where you just want to stab a person for they are so annoying and it is on going problem and you have talked to your other roommates and landlord about it the woman is a pig and does nothing for the household but stuff for herself. I just want to slap her or stab her so I am over it. OVerrrrr it so much I gave my blades to my therapist then found more and gave them to the down stairs roommates for they were like okay we will keep them safe. I don't go down there often for well they are abit much. They are hippies that are new age like and well abit out there. DOnt get me wrong love new age movement and hippie stuff but when you mix he two it is questionable.
What Karen does to piss me off and annoy me
She is 70 years old and plays with dolls
yes dolls and talks to like they are real and writes pages upon pages of doll stories but does not put them out there.
She assumes to be feed for dinner
She does not pick up her plate and bring it to the sink
She does not throw away recycle stuff when full
She does not throw away vegetation stuff in pile out side but asks me to do it while she is going outside to her car anyways and sees I m walking with a cane that day
She does not clean her dishes just leaves them in the sink all day
She does not know how to cook for herself.Right she is heavier than me and she does not know how to cook all her life?
She does not turn on the washer and wash the dishes
She does not throw away the empty toilet paper roll and replace it with toilet paper.
She does not sometimes flush the toilet at all and that is just darn fing gross.
She has two cats and does not take care of the litter right so they come into my room and use my kitty's liter box.
Just a few pet peeves about her
Really wanting to stab her or enough to want to you decide is it worth going to jail? No that is why I give knives I find and hand them over to down stairs and I did not realize I had that many for fooks sake. Damn I have like alot of them it hurts to say it but alot of them 16 I gave the therapist and about 20 so far found in places I was not looking and there they are.
New meds got to love changes! Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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LZAPERVERT
17:07 Jun 22 2018

Dude, you need to smoke a bowl lol

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ChaosxAngel
17:10 Jun 22 2018

Have you talked to her about what you need her to do? Or just keeping silent and letting her think every things ok?
She's 70 years old. How old are you?

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TheShadowKing
17:16 Jun 22 2018

Why should she do anything when she has enablers to do it for her, she does nothing and gets the benefits, stop doing for her

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LZAPERVERT
17:18 Jun 22 2018

Sounds like your room mate needs in home care. It doesn't sound like the lady is working with a full deck.

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Bastas
19:54 Jun 26 2018

Those are not a "few pet peeves" lol. Those are huge inconvenient and quite frankly relationship altering things.

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JaydeBloodaxe
22:29 Jun 29 2018

Thanks for your comments. yes I talked to her. no she did not get harmed yes I scared her and yes she will try to do better.

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Okay if a man says he is a girl and plays you like a fool. Then says sorry then does it again. screw me once shame on you screw me twice okay gone. tested once by a friend he gets wigged out and says he is done. LOL um yeah I was like your done??? I don't need drama and trust issues galore. I surly don't need drama. Maybe it is best for us both never to have had met. But then how do you know. Yeah it went fast but was it worth it? Not sure. Could not tell you. Brain is spinning from a sara and a joe if that was even his name.
Had injections for nerve block today and wow did it hurt worse then the sleep dep test. I looked at the needles and thought I have had tattoos. No problem. I was thinking in my head problem problem omg problem danger will robinson danger!!!!!
I got up got dizzy and used my cane again. I feel like I am back to square one. So I exercised this morning.
The friend Donna came over with her children. I now know with out a doubt kids are for people who can handle them I was like two boys I would kill them. They behaved till they saw the back yard full of toads and the front yard full of fireflies. You know they have seven days to find their mate and mate for life for their children? The children looked at me and stopped for a moment and had a reverence for nature for a moment.
amazing frog lovers stopped for one moment in time watching the fire flies talk and dance to each other.
got hugs and so glad they are gone tired. OMG tired from this day

Today I have been up at the crack of dawn again. One roommate came home and he has not truly paid attention to Kizzy his dog. He has been playing a video game. He walked her and pet did not feed her did not give her meds and no joke did not really take care of her needs. She needs more attention and I cannot stress it enough how much more. She got angry at him for leaving the house and came right out to me like damn he is gone again. Sleeping right near me again. She has been moping for two weeks since he has been gone and another week for her mom is gone. But he got home and he is not paying to her really at all and she is moping big time. She looked at me like where did he go and gave a sad look.
I told him I have been giving her tuna for the joints and he was like that is okay? He was like yeah. I said because when leo had what she has I gave him some for the joints. Leo was my pride and joy for 16 years the best darn celtic hound ever and he did not ever give up until I put him down. I had too for he was in so much pain. Kizzy's meds are not working. and they need to do something about that. I know they are struggling. Hell I am struggling but my animals are taken care of. They get before me and it is true I cannot do for myself before them but I love them and they are like my kids so I am not going to have it any other way. I love my little brats. hehe

Today was really odd and really hot all at the same time. I went to the hospital today and got hit on by three doctors and a lab tech. It felt good to just flirt and smile though the tests eeg’s sux there are long and draining then you get mris done and that also is with contrast so of course you are not really awake and a sleep for any of it. Because of the heat outside to get inside was amazing. To find everything was a miracle. Bloody freaking miracle that I am out of there in one peace. I drank water now drinking coke so I can make sure there is enough steak for animals and humans…. Yep steak. Beef eater meow.

Where do I start today?mmmm will start with the invisible dog I could not find and was supposed to watch went down stairs and he was locked in a room all day long didn't pee or poo he was just hungry and tired his mom thought she brought him up nope did not happen. Looked around for him and he did not respond so I went back upstairs. The mom of smokey when she got here was like what do you mean you dont have smokey I said he was not up here at all I came down and looked for him and he did not say a peep.
Then I got the plants watered exercised and then nailed my poetry out for the publisher to look at. only took seven damn hours of my life but got it done. It was on the spot and i was not sure how it would be taken so we shall see how it is and how it goes. Grumbles now for my other books yeah...

I dont know what the heck happened today but I was watching three dogs one was mine and the other two were not.They were brats all of them. Not only did I see pack mentality I saw my dog being so cutesy that she was too cutesy in the sun. I was watering the herbs and literally she was bouncing around like a springer or something like that. Then I got dizzy. Noticed my skin and saw it was a tad red. got ditzy blonde. No offense to blondes but my mom was blonde. I have red and blonde highlights thanks to mom and dad so I can go either way..Today it was blonde bimbo as it goes.
I read things that made sense but somehow were not all together there. Fun stuff. yeah....
Anyways after penpaling for a while one wrote me text wise and that was neat and scary at the same time for well she texted alot. Daily however three weeks later I feel like this is normal. Which is odd. We have some stuff in common and others not much. But it is neat to say I get her struggles in loosing weight and was totally understanding about cloths we both hate the choices they give plus sized women.
Today also I got the evil cpap machine for my lungs give out but my heart still pumps out which is odd but ok. So I was like please let it be a small around the face one not the huge one that makes an indent that you cannot get rid of ever. I hate things on my face to begin with. The lady was nice she came out with the small one! I was like praise Darth Vader... LOL she was like huh? I was like I wanted the small one for an all around mask would have killed me. then she gave me two to try out and one was less smelly and lighter so I took that one. She laughed when I said how do you clean this thing? She said you are the first one to ever just ask that so quickly. I was like if they smell this girl ain't having it. I am not into that craparoo. She went over the protocols and I was fine. OMG fine with them. She looked at me you sound like you will do fine with it.

Not sure what is wrong with my profile today but I apologize about the forums being twice or three times responding. So I stopped. Not going into it today maybe it will stop.
Anyways water the plants all over the house today and the fairy garden looks good. the herbs do too. As I was closing the water I got a hello from a frog that was big enough to well make me jump a little. For we have tiny ones that are tree frogs not big huge ones that are like toads almost.
Was awoken by smokey the dog from down stairs and the fact he is not quiet makes for a long day but I said I would watch him so I am good with that. I guess. Just sleepy even after watering the plants. Not sure why but tired. blah.

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LORDMOGY
16:56 Jun 11 2018

Wow! I've never had a plant that survived. No green thumb at all. LOL!

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So today I baked peanut butter cookies, biscuits for the dogs and then went shopping in the midst of that sheets and such Got home cooked some bones for my dog. Atka went after her rib bone so I broke down after not find one and got a t bone steak and just was like okay I will buy it and not worry about the price. My jaw dropped 18.00 for one steak. I was like dude this dog better eat this dang bone. The meat fell of the bone so I gave her some of it for dinner. Now I understand why it was so expensive it was a really good piece of freakin meat. So I had it cut in half and she went after the bone which was her mouth size she chewed it till she was tired of chewing. Which was adorable. So it was worth it after all.

Well today was fun. Not. I go to pain management and they are like you have ruptured discs and arthritis in your neck like your si and back. I was like so what are we going to do about the pain since you are not giving me pain meds? She said we can do a nerve block and if that doesn't work we can do injections and I was like if that does not work? EMS internally is all she has for me. I was like yeah that sounds like craparoo but okay we will try the nerve block for that is what the last pain management doctor said so I am going to try it for there is nothing else I can do before leaving them and going to a new one. So We will try them and see what happens. If the pain continues they are fired and I am moving on.
I got my mri report and nerve conduction test so that will help with my case for sure.
ah home sweet home. I am making banana and strawberry muffins since the strawberries and bananas are getting ripe and well it almost taste like a cupcake they are that sweet. I am in heaven for they taste that good. nummies and only two points on weight watchers woohoo.
garden of herbs are growing nicely and the animals went out for a sunbath so that is done too. Liking the day so far so we shall see what happens next.

Today I watched my furbabies outside frolic in the sun and though the sun may harm me they seem to love it so. They were out there for 30 minutes just running and playing and laying there feeling the warmth of the sun and just looking around. I guess they are like children that never grow up for they see things differently then we do. the sites the sounds and such. What was that look and such? Very cute and profound at the same time.
On another note
I dislike it when I see being hurt by spirits or ghosts and they feel that they cannot get out of it. The person does not realize the power they have in order for the ghost or spirit to actually attach itself to the person. sighs. Don't give your power away is all I can say. They probably don't even know what that means. But hey I cannot educate someone that does not want to change the situation. It is sad. This guy needs help but cannot truly ask for help for he does not know anything different.
I guess because I was given the gift of sight and saw ghosts all my life I realized not to let them have the power or to allow them to take me in unless I allowed it. I stopped totally in helping them for at one point it was too much to do. So I would just show them the way to the light and that was it. If they wanted it. If they did not I was like BYE. Now I have turned it off and I yeah see them on occasion. But I don't hear them at all anymore which is nice for I can sleep four hours and it feels like bliss to me for one that did not sleep at all. So I get where this kid was coming from. It is just frustrating is all. Oh well I wish him luck at least and well.

So I worked out at five am and felt good about it though I was dead ass tired to say the least. Osiris was outside with me running around thrilled to be outside and very happy someone was outside with him. he rubbed on me like hey mama how are you today. I was like I love you boo go play.
Okay therapy was good today. Did not have crazy amounts of wacko stories to vent out.
I think awesome no humans annoyed me to the point of wanting to hurt them.
Till I went to pharmacy... there was some wacko of a guy ringing the door bell over and over again (and he thought it was fun in the pharmacy.) I looked at him and said could you please stop that it is annoying. He said but it is fun. I said what would be fun is hitting you in the face and watching the blood drip down your face . How is that for fun? The pharmacy woman choked and laughed with others. He stopped and walked away. I turned around and looked at them. Repeat offender huh? Yep the pharmacist said. You know that is the first time anyone has said anything to him. I said oh well maybe he will think before doing it now.

hmmm going to talk about something I have not. I was raped a while back. I don't consider myself a victim. I consider it an experience I have to get over. It has made me weaker in some areas yet stronger in others. I am not sure why but when people say sorry you were raped it sounds odd to me. For they did not do the act. The person who did the act never said it and well should have said sorry . I get that it hurts the person to its core when you say you survived rape. But I believe when you tell the person it is to let them know hey I am a tad stand offish so please be kind. I am not the type of human or vampire that takes things the right way. I guess what I am trying to say is though I was raped and the experience was horrible I don't like being seen as just weak. For I am not. I am a strong independent woman. and all who have been raped are. They are beautiful messes if you would call it that.

I go to therapy and have nightmares for the rest of my life. Yes I don't sleep much for I see his stupid face sometimes still. But in time I know it will go away and through therapy and punching bags and support from others I believe this beautiful mess can be less stressed.

If you were raped and have no one feel free to email me. I will be on your side whether male or female. okay? Just putting it out there. For I realized something maybe there are more like me out there that are afraid to say something.

I am having a nerve conduction test done today so I am really becoming a lab rat today. Yeah. First time for everything. It is in a hospital so that is always more fun. Yeah
Okay as far as nerve tests go one don’t suggest people assuming it is normal. It is like a tens unit in your muscles and also vein areas. Truly annoying. Two the dr does not tell you that it may hurt like hell for a few moments not like a tattoo but like an electric current zapping your insides hurting an area of your body hurt. Three afterwards it makes you weaker then a lab rat. I barely can walk and write or text. Typing is easier so I am typing at the moment. Damn it I cannot do much other wise. So to all those who get the test don’t assume it will be easy and fast. It is a tad rough and fast. Roommate looked at me and asked what is wrong. I was like just in pain that is all. Sore as all get out.
Happy times. Let Osiris outside and of course helicopter mamaing it. We have hawks, and owls in our area and eagles and lol he does not look up. He looks at his eye level. So I check on him and yes I am a mama cat on him. He is my wee babe. Only cat I have though he is a misfit for sure.

Today at the doctors was a lot of fun... not at all. TOmorrow I get to be a zapped labrat. oh the joys of EDS. Growls...

Listening to Ghost of the Robot and thinking this day is going to be a good day. Not sure why but I am actually up and positive about the day. eyebrow raised Not a morning person.

I am thrilled that my roommates are leaving for the afternoon. I get the house to myself. I need to burn incense and relax a bit. They stress me out. Yeah 7 people in a house makes this human very very very cranky. Staying in my room but not able to do incense with out them coughing and getting sick and such makes you wonder if they are allergic to the incense wood or the scent? Then others are not actually pagan so they are always saying what are you making up in here? Spell wise… Not a spell normally a prayer and an offering. So I was like when are you all leaving? In the afternoon. Great LEAVE. NOW people nowwwwwwww.
Grumbles they are still here. I am not patience at all. I want to burn Anubis incense for no joke her cat broke my last statue and I want to ask for thanks for protecting us as long as he did. I want to let go and move on. I have a serious lack of statues thanks to my cat and her cat and I figure it is time for new things or not new things but get minimalistic. We shall see. I lost a lot leaving FL starting from scratch is interesting I must say. It is a whole new list of rules thoughts and woes. Living with others slays me daily.
Like our back yard has a pool. But because it has tadpoles in it we cannot do anything to fix it and swim in it. Why it is literally through out it. Piping and all. So the pool would need to be revamped. An arm and a leg. Fun stuff. So we have no pool this year. So I have to exercise a different way. I have been waking up and punching air and punch blading and exercising around the pool with physical therapy moves I got for about an hour in the 5 am sun. Before I burn. Irish skin. Lol I burn I don’t get tan. I realized that I never got that energetic in florida except o dark in the am. So I got up and start getting active. Fun Fun. Yeah trying to loose four sizes so I am going to and once I am there I will feel proud of myself I think. I can breathe and such. Actually healthy where I am at but I want to be where I was in plus size modeling at 24 years old. 😊 46 now so why not look 24 again? WEG I know I don't look my age and most men think I am 25 to 30 which is bizarre but whatever.

COMMENTS

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LORDMOGY
18:09 Jun 02 2018

You can do it!!! 👍😊

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JaydeBloodaxe
18:59 Jun 06 2018

Thank you

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Okay so yesterday I was at meeting for weight watchers and Karen my roomie the one that talks to dolls like they are real. Heard one of the women there does line dancing. She was an elderly lady and Karen is 70 years old so yeah she was like maybe I could do this. So she looked at me like I wanna do it. I looked at her like go right ahead I am not going for I dislike country music. And I am not going to be in a room filled of country music for two half hours with shiney creatures. Normally the typical country human is shiney with happy goodness and I just don’t get how anyone can be happy listening to a song that their dog gets run over, girlfriend leaves them and they are sad and lonely and drunk song is playing. Makes nooooooooooooooo sense to me. I have southern family I have seen this interesting happening before. They dance to upbeat happy feet depressing as fook music. Maybe that is why they drink a lot of beer. I just cannot see how it would be fun. Dancing and beer drinking. I hate the smell of it. But Tracy was looking at us in our eye battle and said Tara she is looking at you like she may want to go line dancing. I turned to her Tracy and looked at her and said to myself I will be damned. I looked at her like that and she laughed. She could see it on my face the horror. She giggled. I was like another shiney human great… I exercise at 500 am and no one is around sweat my ass off and work my traps and such. Then you have Karen who does not work out at all and eats ice cream. Somehow lost weight and wants to use this as an exercise????It is bad enough she wanted to join weight watchers because of me. I am only doing it for three more months so I am concerned she wont continue when I no longer go. She makes me go to every doll meet with her and I actually said no to her and she was like oh ok. I was like I am not going all the freaking time. I am not into every doll meet. I go to certain ones for I had one and there were some that came to mine so I plan to go to theirs. Other wise uh no. I am staying home. I am not a social human never had been.
As I told my therapist humans in general make me feel ashamed of being one. Why interact with a species that I am ashamed of? I don’t like being human because of what the world has become. Yes there are good things arts, sciences, music, religions, and things. But truly we have not done anything wonderful for earth and its shell nor its animals nor its people. I mean think about it if the rich gave a 10th of their wealth to the people who are in need of it in America we would not have children starving in the Usa . That or homeless people with animals on the street for they lost their jobs, that or people who are homeless for they cannot get on ssi for they claim they are healthy but they aren’t…… things like that are all over and there are no true programs for those situations that are in schools or public areas. Not rich so I cannot help out the world. But the ones that can don’t. It is sad. They just greedily think of themselves and make more money and do what with it really? You cannot take it with you. So yeah don’t like people in general some of the example. They are neat to watch, they are okay to talk to but truly what are we good for besides being a cancer to the earth? Yes that is a ranting of a bipolar moment and how I feel at the moment also lack of sleep makes this kitty really cranky. HISSSSSSSSSS